Thoughts on My Sobriety
I read the above quote a few days ago, and it really hit home at the time.
On this day in 2019 I had my last drink.
I was going through an exceptionally rough time, by my standards. However, I looked in the mirror and I did not like the person I was seeing.
I did not like the person I was becoming. I went from jovial to maudlin, straight to surly. There was always an excuse to have a drink, until the excuses spiraled out of control.
Giving up that one thing led me to focus on the various reasons why it got out of control.
The real reasons why I was self-medicating.
I was able to find a lot of the roots of my unhappiness in life. Things I knew but didn’t want to deal with. It turned out that I actually really hated my job and the stress that came with it. I had overstayed my welcome.
And I knew that the stress followed me home. I knew that work life affects home life. But… I didn’t want to deal with it. Mainly because it was comfortable. I knew what I was doing, even though I hated it. I knew my place in the pecking order.
However, once the clarity of sobriety came to the fore, it made it easier for me to acknowledge where my problems are arising from. Of course, I had to find new ways to deal with it, until I could change the root of the problem.
In the past four years I have been able to add two more certifications to my name. I have been able to work on strengthening my marriage, and I have discovered the strength to cut ties with the toxic people in my life. The people who did not bring out the best in me.
My wife and I have been able to do things together that we thought were in the realm of the impossible.
I have faced a few demons and stared them down into submission. Some days those battles still rage on, but every day is better than the previous one.
One day at a time is all it takes. One day at a time with the loving support and enduring patience of my wife, who sat by at watched me battle the demons and come out stronger on the other end.